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Television:
The Andy Griffith Show
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Don Knotts as Barney Fife: "We'll put out an all points bulletin. We'll set up roadblocks, everywhere! I'll track him down if it takes forever. And then I'm gonna bring him in alive, Andy ... because this boy's mine."
Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle: "Hey, Barn, don'tcha think we ought to make up some animal noises in case we get separated? I could be an owl and go, 'Hoo! Hoo!,' and you go, 'Chick-a-chee, chick-a-chee,' like a squirrel. That way, I'd know it's you."
Don Knotts: "Look Gomer, you just yell, 'Hey, Barn,' and I'll just yell, 'Hey, Gomer,' okay?"
Nabors: "That might work."
Don Knotts: "You know, Andy, this is where I really belong. Barney Fife ... in the asphalt jungle."
Don Knotts on a megaphone: "Attention. Attention. This is Deputy Barney Fife speaking. This is an emergency. Repeat: an emergency."
Don Knotts: "Aw, shut up, Otis!"
Otis: "Oh, you gonna make me?"
Knotts: "Yeah!"
Otis: "Yeah?"
Knotts: "Yeah!"
Otis: "Yeah?"
Andy Griffith as Andy Taylor: "All right, All right, all right, now boys, stop fighting."
Denver Pyle as Brisco Darling: "A-one and a-two and away we go!"
Otis: "Barney's in jail, Barney's in jail, Barney's in jail!"
Don Knotts: "Otis!"
Don Knotts: "Yeah, ya know what you find in caves? Bats."
Betty Lynn as Thelma Lou: "Barney!"
Knotts: "That's right, bats. And you know what they do? They fly in your hair and get tangled up in there and lay their eggs, and you go crazy."
Don Knotts: "Hey, Ange. Wanna go up to the fillin' station and get a bottle of pop?"
Don Knotts: "Well, for my money, he's got all the facial characteristics of a criminal. You know, the narrow chin and the eyes close together, slack jaw with a prominent overbite."
Andy Griffith: "You know who that sounds like?"
Knotts: "Who?"
Griffith: "You."
Jim Nabors: "Citizen's arrest! Citizen's arrest!"
Howard McNear as Floyd Lawson: "He wants to raise my rent."
Howard: "Now look, Floyd..."
McNear: "Yeah, crush the little man, will ya! Drive 'im into the ground!"
Howard: "Floyd..."
McNear: "Take the very food right out of his mouth!"
Jim Nabors: "Goober, do Cary Grant for Andy. He's gonna take off on Cary Grant. Go, Goob!"
George Lindsey as Goober Pyle: "Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy!"
Jim Nabors: "Ya know who else he can do?"
Andy Griffith: "Uh, no."
Nabors: "Edward G. Robinson. Do Edward G. Robinson for him, Goober. Listen to this, Andy. Go on, Goob. Edward G. Robinson."
George Lindsey: "Okay, you guys, c'mon, you guys, all right, you guys, beat it, you guys."
Don Knotts: "Don't rush it, Floyd, don't rush it."
Howard McNear as Floyd: "Well, I'm so busy, I – business coming in and out and everything... What do you mean, 'rush?' "
Knotts: "I don't want the fast treatment – that's what I mean."
McNear: "This is just a haircut, ya know! It isn't a brain operation!"
Ron Howard as Opie Taylor: "I'm-a drawin' on you, Sheriff. Draw."
Andy Griffith: "Aw, why don'tcha turn yourself in peaceful-like, son. You'll get a fair trial."
Ron Howard: "Nope. I'm the fastest gun in the West."
Griffith: "Well, you're the shortest. I'll say that."
Andy Griffith: "All right, Ernest T., how you keep gettin' in and out of here?"
Don Knotts: "C'mon, Bass, speak up!"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "I ain't talkin', I ain't talkin'. The more you're askin', the more I'm balkin'!"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "I don't chew my cabbage twice. And you ain't heard the last of Ernest T. Bass!"
Army doctor: "Well, Mr. Bass, you have all of your teeth. Where were you planning to put the gold one?"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "Oh, right here in front. See these three here? I's gonna knock them out, put the gold one right in the center, leave a space on each side ... that'd stand out better that way. 'specially when I'm dancin'!"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "This here's Ernest T. Bass here."
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "If you're wonderin' who I'll be, it's me, it's me, it's Ernest T.!"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "Howdy-do to you and you. It's me, it's me, it's Ernest T.! Yee hee hee!"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass, singing: "Ole Aunt Miriah, jump in the fire. Fire too hot, jump in the pot. Pot too black, jump in the crack. Crack too high, jump in the sky. Sky too blue, jump in canoe. Canoe too shallow, jump in the tallow. Tallow too soft, jump in the loft. Loft too rotten, jump in the cotton. Cotton so white she stayed there all night!"
Don Knotts: "All right, Ernest T. Bass, you stand still, and that's an order!"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "If a duck stands still you can catch 'im by the bill! Honk! Honk!"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "Howdy, Sheriff. Howdy, Deputy."
Andy Griffith: "Ernest T.!"
Morris: "Surprise, surprise! I can see it in your eyes!"
Don Knotts: "Ernest T. Bass!"
Howard Morris as Ernest T. Bass: "One and the same -- Bass is the name! Hee hee hee!"
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Andy Griffith, page 2 |
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